Tales of the Parodyverse

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Josh Clement again (This is a round robin, right? if not sorry and ignore this one!)
Tue Sep 07, 2004 at 07:31:02 pm EDT
Subject
Dancer-Al B. Harper #2 - The Coffee Club
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We start in the luxurious and improbably zooed Lair Mansion, where the Parodyverse’s greatest heroes are receiving an emergency call.

Hallie: “Lisa, it’s an emergency!”

Lisa: “Mmokay. Call up Nats and get him to go down there and deal with it.”

Hallie: “It’s an emergency involving out of control illegal mutates resisting SPUD custody!”

Lisa: “Fine, in that case call Falcon instead.”

Hallie: “Yes, but OCP are involved as well, and there’s going to be a bloodbath in downtown Parodiopolis!”

Lisa: “Okay. Mr Epitome problem.”

Hallie: “But it’s a big confrontation and Kerry, Fashion Accessry, and Glory are involved in it!”

Lisa, smiling now: “Ah. Well in that case call Visionary and let him go down there.”

Hallie: “It’s a major threat to the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar!”

Lisa stops smiling. “Right. In that case call everybody. Let’s get down there!”

_____


Parodyverse Plaza is packed with vehicles and riot police. There’s also lots of big-ass tanks and Sentinoid robots and black vans full of sinister people in black suits. And they’re all pointing things at the little coffee shop in the shadow of the Twin Parody Tower. Hear the guy with the megaphone?

Guy with megaphone: “We know you’re in there! Come out with your hands up!”

Sarah Shepherdson, waitress at the Bean and Donut (but we know she’s also Dancer, right, readers?): “Sorry, who are you talking to? The staff, the customers, the mutates, the hostages, what? Can you be a little bit more specific?”

Guy with megaphone (Let’s call him Brad. He looks like a Brad): “Er… Look, just surrender the dangerous unlicensed mutates and nobody needs to get hurt. Well, nobody human anyway.”

Kerry Shepherdson: “You’ll never take us alive, copper! Top of the world, ma!”

Fashion Accessory: “Kerry, you’re not a mutate.”

Kerry: “That’s discrimination, that is. I can be a wanted mutate terrorist if I want to. It’s in the Constitution.”

Fashion Accessory: Oh. Okay. I didn’t know that.”

Cody (who is apparently Al B. Harper’s kid, and what’s that all about?): “Look, we’d better go out there. We don’t want people to get hurt.”

Sarah: “Absolutely not. We don’t give in to The Man. Men are slime.”

Kerry looks at Fashion Accessory. “See, I told you!”

Glory is a dog, so she can’t talk except by using signs and woofs, and nobody but Cody – who’s mutate ability is languages – can understand her. Glory: “Woof!”

Cody: “Er, it seems that there’s an all-points bulletin out for Fly-Girl, on account of her unlicensed mutate power. Code Ultra-Important.”

Sarah: “Your power, Fly-Girl? What power?”

Fly-Girl: “It’s not much. But I can tell if somebody’s a mutate just by touching them, and sometimes what their power is.” (Checks Kerry) “You’re not a mutate.”

Kerry: “It’s a life choice not genetics.”

Beanni: “F-G’s power’s much better than mine, though. All I can do is make people forget what’s just happened.”

Sarah: “Really? And what’s your power Beanni?”

Beanni: “Ack!”

Cody: “The government wants Fly-Girl because she could help them find hundreds of secret mutates. Maybe they’ll dissect her or something and make a better mutate detector.”

Glory: “I am very much against animal experimentation.”

Brad (remember him?): “Like I said, come out. Don’t make us use excessive force.”

Fashion Accessory: “Hey, what about the innocent bystanders in here, that are just here drinking their coffee in an Yves St Laurent summer original?”

Brad: “The government is very sorry and will send lavish sympathies to your families.”

Sarah is determined: “The mutates aren’t coming out. They’ve claimed sanctuary.”

Brad is a bit confused by this. “Sanctuary? In a coffee shop?”

Sarah: “Er, yes. No. Not just a coffee shop. A coffee shop and Greek food café!”

Cody: “You might be on legally thin ice there, Shep.”

Sarah: “We can’t just give you up. We have to try something. Things can’t get worse.”

Then outside there’s a rumpus. De Brown Streak has just wrecked two expensive government Sentinoids and has screeched to a halt at the entrance to the Coffee Shop. “Okay, G-Men! These mutates are under my protection! Nobody takes them except over my dead body!”

Brad: “Deal.”

DBS: “Um…”

And then the fighting starts. DBS in inundated with Sentinoids, MCP Agents, soldiers etc. Still, he finds a moment to streak inside and say Hi to Sarah, Kerry, Fashion Accessory and Fly-Girl. A guy’s got to have SOME priorities. And then it’s back outside to the overwhelming odds and ongoing massacre.

Meanwhile, back in a cabin in the woods.

Al B. Harper: “When am I going to get worked into this story anyhow?”

Continued
(Thanks for letting me play)




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